woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
