im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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