when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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