i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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