then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I wish you could order shots online.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
