i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
