Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Randomize
