Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
