our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
