that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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