conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
