Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
