Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
