there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you would pick up someone in the library
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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