i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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