don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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