I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
