everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
is it fun? or sober?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
