pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
