My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
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I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
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I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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