So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
