Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
