nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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