I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
