i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
