she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
