Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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