she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
