Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
