he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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