The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I deserve this hangover.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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