: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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