Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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