i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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