I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
