I hate your face
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
