you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
