Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
