Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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