He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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