I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
