I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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