im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
