True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
