You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I need a hoe opinion
go on
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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