I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
