Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
