okay pat passed out under dana's car
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
