clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize