I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
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i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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