Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
