don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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