I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
