I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
