You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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