Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
