Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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