Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
