I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
