My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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