Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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