She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
