I'm lost and stupid without you.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
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He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
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These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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