See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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