A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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