So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
