is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
