Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
