They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
