with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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