Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
