He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize