I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
