I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
