DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
