I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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