shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
